I will be looking at ways to use technology to help parents and other adults engage in faith formation practices in the future. Look here beginning in September for more information about that.
Diane Shallue
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Monday, November 7, 2011
Creative Thinking
In the Monday, Nov. 7, 2011, Minneapolis Star Tribune was an column by Harvey Mackay about the movie, Moneyball. I often read Harvey's column as he is a sales person and I learned to appreciate good salespeople from my eight years spent selling encyclopedias and children's books for World Book-Childcraft. I have also wanted to see the movie, Moneyball, but have not found anyone who wants to go see it with me.
Anyway - Harvey uses elements from the movie to make some good points that fit in a congregation as well as in a business. Here is a quote from his column: "When an organization has spectacular challenges such as an inadequate budget, creative thinking and bold actions are frightening and daunting to even the most unflappable managers. But you can't afford to do things the ways you've always done them. If that had worked, you wouldn't have all those challenges would you?"
I think this is true for many congregations. I have worked in two congregations which looked back to how things used to be. Older members wanted the congregation to look and function like it did 30 years ago - to be the way it used to be. There was also the mantra, "We've never done it that way before. " or " We tried that twenty years ago and it did not work. " Harvey gives some good questions to ask yourself and your committee or team.
1. What would happen if we tried (fill in the blank)? Would the firm fall apart? Or would it open new paths?
2. Is there another way to do what we've always done?
3. What is the craziest way we could proceed? Might that be worth considering?
I agree with Harvey when he says to let everyone contribute and use every available resource. In our congregations, the greatest resource are the members. How can we more effectively involve more people? We can not wait for people to step up. We have to go invite them.
Remember we will never catch any fish if we do not get our line wet. Also no one catches a fish every time. Be persistent.
Anyway - Harvey uses elements from the movie to make some good points that fit in a congregation as well as in a business. Here is a quote from his column: "When an organization has spectacular challenges such as an inadequate budget, creative thinking and bold actions are frightening and daunting to even the most unflappable managers. But you can't afford to do things the ways you've always done them. If that had worked, you wouldn't have all those challenges would you?"
I think this is true for many congregations. I have worked in two congregations which looked back to how things used to be. Older members wanted the congregation to look and function like it did 30 years ago - to be the way it used to be. There was also the mantra, "We've never done it that way before. " or " We tried that twenty years ago and it did not work. " Harvey gives some good questions to ask yourself and your committee or team.
1. What would happen if we tried (fill in the blank)? Would the firm fall apart? Or would it open new paths?
2. Is there another way to do what we've always done?
3. What is the craziest way we could proceed? Might that be worth considering?
I agree with Harvey when he says to let everyone contribute and use every available resource. In our congregations, the greatest resource are the members. How can we more effectively involve more people? We can not wait for people to step up. We have to go invite them.
Remember we will never catch any fish if we do not get our line wet. Also no one catches a fish every time. Be persistent.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Women's Reality part 2
I am finally getting back to reading in the Women's Reality book that I started back in August. Anne Wilson Schaef relates religion, math and the white male system (WMS) as interconnected. She says that the WMS has faith in the validity of numbers. I am not sure what to think about that. I do not think that is true for all men.
She goes on in chapter two to talk about the Original Sin of being born female and how that affects women.
Several items that I noted:
1. Women do not like or trust each other. I wonder if that is as true today. I have close female friends but I have not gotten friendly with the female pastors with whom I have worked. I think that they find me intimidating. My experience has been that they get very angry with me for things I say that they think are slights or insulting towards them. I have working to establish better connections to women in the last 8 years. I realized that I was putting most of my energy into friendships with males and made a conscious effort to put more energy into female friendships.
2. Women have basic feelings of self-doubt. There is something wrong with them fundamentally. I can agree with this. I know that I had a lot of anxiety about people liking me for who I am not for what I can do. I am afraid people will not like me if I mess up, say the wrong thing, show too much emotion, or challenge their comments.
3. Women cope with the Original Sin of being born female in five ways:
a) developing a capacity to remember details of events
b) becoming very good
c) being very concerned about fairness and issues of injustice
d) following the rules
e) developing the capacity for understanding and gathering lots of information to assist in that understanding.
4. Women blame their unhappiness and lack of fulfillment on some flaw within their character. They develop excuses to explain who they are.
5. Women need to be validated by a male to have worth. I have an interesting story to connect to this. When my daughter Katie was in seventh grade (about 1993), she came home from school one day to tell me that she had to get a boyfriend. I wondered why. She said, very seriously, that her self-esteem would be better if she had a boyfriend. I think that as a younger woman, male validation was much more important to me than it is now that I am in my 60's.
I think that many of these coping mechanism are true for me. I think it has changed as I have aged.
More about this book in the future.
She goes on in chapter two to talk about the Original Sin of being born female and how that affects women.
Several items that I noted:
1. Women do not like or trust each other. I wonder if that is as true today. I have close female friends but I have not gotten friendly with the female pastors with whom I have worked. I think that they find me intimidating. My experience has been that they get very angry with me for things I say that they think are slights or insulting towards them. I have working to establish better connections to women in the last 8 years. I realized that I was putting most of my energy into friendships with males and made a conscious effort to put more energy into female friendships.
2. Women have basic feelings of self-doubt. There is something wrong with them fundamentally. I can agree with this. I know that I had a lot of anxiety about people liking me for who I am not for what I can do. I am afraid people will not like me if I mess up, say the wrong thing, show too much emotion, or challenge their comments.
3. Women cope with the Original Sin of being born female in five ways:
a) developing a capacity to remember details of events
b) becoming very good
c) being very concerned about fairness and issues of injustice
d) following the rules
e) developing the capacity for understanding and gathering lots of information to assist in that understanding.
4. Women blame their unhappiness and lack of fulfillment on some flaw within their character. They develop excuses to explain who they are.
5. Women need to be validated by a male to have worth. I have an interesting story to connect to this. When my daughter Katie was in seventh grade (about 1993), she came home from school one day to tell me that she had to get a boyfriend. I wondered why. She said, very seriously, that her self-esteem would be better if she had a boyfriend. I think that as a younger woman, male validation was much more important to me than it is now that I am in my 60's.
I think that many of these coping mechanism are true for me. I think it has changed as I have aged.
More about this book in the future.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Goal Setting
This year in my position at University Lutheran Church of Hope, I have been asked to set some goals. I have often set goals for myself but this is the first time the Personnel Committee and the Lead Pastor asked us staff to write goals and to share them with each other.
I wrote some goals and later looked back at them. I discovered that every goal I wrote involved other people. None of the goals were something that I could do alone or wanted to do alone. They were mostly about helping other people do ministry. That is a new thing for me. In the past when I have set goals, they have usually been things that I was going to do without thinking about who could work with me on it.
I wonder if my leadership style is changing. Umm.......
I wrote some goals and later looked back at them. I discovered that every goal I wrote involved other people. None of the goals were something that I could do alone or wanted to do alone. They were mostly about helping other people do ministry. That is a new thing for me. In the past when I have set goals, they have usually been things that I was going to do without thinking about who could work with me on it.
I wonder if my leadership style is changing. Umm.......
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Mentor vs Coach
I recently had a discussion about the difference between a mentor and a coach. I have tended to use the two terms interchangeable thinking that "coach" was just a new term for what used to be called a mentor.
After a discussion with Beata Rydeen who is a life coach, I have changed my mind. A mentor is usually someone older and more experienced who can guide and assist a person beginning a career. A coach walks along side a person but may not be in the same work field. A coach asks questions and listens carefully.
When I first began my first paid position in a congregation, I knew that I could benefit from the wisdom of Charlotte Erlandson, even though I was already 40 years old with a master degree in pastoral ministry. i asked Charlotte to be my mentor for one year. I meet with her monthly and we discussed issues in congregational ministry - particularly faith formation ministry. My call at the time was as a Youth and Family Director who also preached once a month, was the assisting minister at worship each week, and provided resources for the Sunday School program. I was working toward being commissioned as an Associate in Ministry in the ELCA. The time I spend with her was invaluable. She warned me about pitfalls and asked me to observe her at a committee meeting. We talked about relationships of a spouse with parishioners when you work on a staff, of how parishioners will criticize the pastor when he or she go on vacation to triangle you into a problem, and how to build up leaders on your ministry teams.
Now I am working with Beata as a "coach" and it is very different. It is not therapy but looking more deeply at who I am and how I function. There is not a focus on improving at specific skills related to my position but a large thinking about who I am, what is important to me and how I am make better use of my skills and talents.
I am grateful that I have had the opportunity to experience both a mentoring relationship and a coaching process.
After a discussion with Beata Rydeen who is a life coach, I have changed my mind. A mentor is usually someone older and more experienced who can guide and assist a person beginning a career. A coach walks along side a person but may not be in the same work field. A coach asks questions and listens carefully.
When I first began my first paid position in a congregation, I knew that I could benefit from the wisdom of Charlotte Erlandson, even though I was already 40 years old with a master degree in pastoral ministry. i asked Charlotte to be my mentor for one year. I meet with her monthly and we discussed issues in congregational ministry - particularly faith formation ministry. My call at the time was as a Youth and Family Director who also preached once a month, was the assisting minister at worship each week, and provided resources for the Sunday School program. I was working toward being commissioned as an Associate in Ministry in the ELCA. The time I spend with her was invaluable. She warned me about pitfalls and asked me to observe her at a committee meeting. We talked about relationships of a spouse with parishioners when you work on a staff, of how parishioners will criticize the pastor when he or she go on vacation to triangle you into a problem, and how to build up leaders on your ministry teams.
Now I am working with Beata as a "coach" and it is very different. It is not therapy but looking more deeply at who I am and how I function. There is not a focus on improving at specific skills related to my position but a large thinking about who I am, what is important to me and how I am make better use of my skills and talents.
I am grateful that I have had the opportunity to experience both a mentoring relationship and a coaching process.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Women's Reality
I pulled an older book off my shelf - Women's Reality by Anne Wilson Schaef published in 1981. This book is subtitled "an emerging female system in the white male society." I am not sure that I ever read it. So why did it catch my eye last week?
I have been working with a life coach - Beata Rydeen - for almost one year. She is a member of my congregation and my staff support person. I decided that I wanted to do some reading about women and leadership. She challenged me to pick a book that would be the most challenging for me to read. I decided on this one.
So why might it be challenging? As a lay women in a church system that is still is dominated by male pastors and bishops, I have struggled for 20 years. In what ways do I support this male dominated system? What can I do to change this? How do I relate to male pastors and female pastors as a lay woman? I have lots of questions and not many answers.
One of the ideas rattling around in my head is to write a book about lay women in church leadership. All the books that I have seen or read about leadership in the church are written by male clergy. What would a church leadership book look like written from a female lay perspective? Beata suggested I interview other women in lay leadership roles in the church. What a great idea! I have to put that on my to-do-list.
But any way - back to the book.
Insight for today - One of the four myths of the white male system is that it is possible to be totally logical, rational and objective. I bought into this myth big time as a young woman in high school who was going off to college. I had an image of myself as a brain being carried around by my body. I studied hard and buried myself in books as I was afraid of all my emotions and the earthy body within which I was encased. That image broke apart the fall of my junior year of college at a spiritual retreat. I had a vision of Jesus laughing at me and a group of accepting people. My self-image changed but 40 years later I realized that I need to go back to think about that some more. I wonder how that self-image of being a brain carried around by my body affects me today.
To be continued.
I have been working with a life coach - Beata Rydeen - for almost one year. She is a member of my congregation and my staff support person. I decided that I wanted to do some reading about women and leadership. She challenged me to pick a book that would be the most challenging for me to read. I decided on this one.
So why might it be challenging? As a lay women in a church system that is still is dominated by male pastors and bishops, I have struggled for 20 years. In what ways do I support this male dominated system? What can I do to change this? How do I relate to male pastors and female pastors as a lay woman? I have lots of questions and not many answers.
One of the ideas rattling around in my head is to write a book about lay women in church leadership. All the books that I have seen or read about leadership in the church are written by male clergy. What would a church leadership book look like written from a female lay perspective? Beata suggested I interview other women in lay leadership roles in the church. What a great idea! I have to put that on my to-do-list.
But any way - back to the book.
Insight for today - One of the four myths of the white male system is that it is possible to be totally logical, rational and objective. I bought into this myth big time as a young woman in high school who was going off to college. I had an image of myself as a brain being carried around by my body. I studied hard and buried myself in books as I was afraid of all my emotions and the earthy body within which I was encased. That image broke apart the fall of my junior year of college at a spiritual retreat. I had a vision of Jesus laughing at me and a group of accepting people. My self-image changed but 40 years later I realized that I need to go back to think about that some more. I wonder how that self-image of being a brain carried around by my body affects me today.
To be continued.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Mentors needed
As I continue to reflect on the article I found by Leonard Hjalmarson, I wish to write about our need for mentors. Hjalmarson says, "The role of mentors is to point searchers to God and encourage their dependence on Him. The role of mentors is to show by example how to walk forward without certainty, but with faith and hope and love. The role of mentors is to lift others up, to serve without consideration of recognition or reward. If we can model this kind of service, we will help to birth a new kind of leader by our example." To me, he is describing an ideal mentor. In my experience, good leaders do not always make good mentors. To me leadership is getting things done but through encouraging others and creating teams. Hjalmarson is clear about the need for dependence on God and a sense of humility as a leader.
When I began a position in a congregation in 1993, I found a mentor. I asked Charlotte Erlandson to work with me for one year. She graciously agreed and we met once a month for one year. We talked about topics and issues that I brought to the table. I observed her conducting a committee meeting. It was a most beneficial relationship for me. She did lift me up and received no reward except my appreciation.
I have tried to be a leader who works with and alongside others. As a parent, I always cleaned along with my kids. We washed walls together, prepared fruit for canning, and cleaned the house. In the congregation, I wipe down tables, run the dishwasher and work along others. I like being in front telling stories and running the show but I think I model leadership best when I do the less glamorous stuff like cleaning the church refrigerator.
When I began a position in a congregation in 1993, I found a mentor. I asked Charlotte Erlandson to work with me for one year. She graciously agreed and we met once a month for one year. We talked about topics and issues that I brought to the table. I observed her conducting a committee meeting. It was a most beneficial relationship for me. She did lift me up and received no reward except my appreciation.
I have tried to be a leader who works with and alongside others. As a parent, I always cleaned along with my kids. We washed walls together, prepared fruit for canning, and cleaned the house. In the congregation, I wipe down tables, run the dishwasher and work along others. I like being in front telling stories and running the show but I think I model leadership best when I do the less glamorous stuff like cleaning the church refrigerator.
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