Mentor vs Coach

I recently had a discussion about the difference between a mentor and a coach.  I have tended to use the two terms interchangeable thinking that "coach" was just a new term for what used to be called a mentor.
After a discussion with Beata Rydeen who is a life coach, I have changed my mind.  A mentor is usually someone older and more experienced who can guide and assist a person beginning a career.  A coach walks along side a person but may not be in the same work field.  A coach asks questions and listens carefully.

When I first began my first paid position in a congregation, I knew that I could benefit from the wisdom of  Charlotte Erlandson, even though I was already 40 years old with a master degree in pastoral ministry.  i asked Charlotte to be my mentor for one year.  I meet with her monthly and we discussed issues in congregational ministry - particularly faith formation ministry.  My call at the time was as a Youth and Family Director who also preached once a month, was the assisting minister at worship each week, and provided resources for the Sunday School program.  I was working toward being commissioned as an Associate in Ministry in the ELCA.  The time I spend with her was invaluable.  She warned me about pitfalls and asked me to observe her at a committee meeting.  We talked about relationships of a spouse with parishioners when you work on a staff, of how parishioners will criticize the pastor when he or she go on vacation to triangle you into a problem, and how to build up leaders on your ministry teams.

Now I am working with Beata as a "coach" and it is very different.  It is not therapy but looking more deeply at who I am and how I function. There is not a focus on improving at specific skills related to my position but a large thinking about who I am, what is important to me and how I am make better use of my skills and talents.
I am grateful that I have had the opportunity to experience both a mentoring relationship and a coaching process.

Women's Reality

I pulled an older book off my shelf - Women's Reality by Anne Wilson Schaef published in 1981.  This book is subtitled "an emerging female system in the white male society."  I am not sure that I ever read it.  So why did it catch my eye last week?
I have been working with a life coach - Beata Rydeen - for almost one year.  She is a member of my congregation and my staff support person.  I decided that I wanted to do some reading about women and leadership.   She challenged me to pick a book that would be the most challenging for me to read.  I decided on this one.
So why might it be challenging?  As a lay women in a church system that is still is dominated by male pastors and bishops, I have struggled for 20 years.  In what ways do I support this male dominated system?  What can I do to change this?  How do I relate to male pastors and female pastors as a lay woman?  I have lots of questions and not many answers.
One of the ideas rattling around in my head is to write a book about lay women in church leadership.  All the books that I have seen or read about leadership in the church are written by male clergy.  What would a church leadership book look like written from a female lay perspective?  Beata suggested I interview other women in lay leadership roles in the church. What a great idea!  I have to put that on my to-do-list.
But any way - back to the book. 
Insight for today - One of the four myths of the white male system is that it is possible to be totally logical, rational and objective.  I bought into this myth big time as a young woman in high school who was going off to college.  I had an image of myself as a brain being carried around by my body.  I studied hard and buried myself in books as I was afraid of all my emotions and the earthy body within which I was encased.  That image broke apart the fall of my junior year of college at a spiritual retreat.  I had a vision of Jesus laughing at me and a group of accepting people.  My self-image changed but 40 years later I realized that I need to go back to think about that some more.  I wonder how that self-image of being a brain carried around by my body affects me today.
To be continued.

Mentors needed

As I continue to reflect on the article I found by Leonard Hjalmarson, I wish to write about our need for mentors.  Hjalmarson says, "The role of mentors is to point searchers to God and encourage their dependence on Him. The role of mentors is to show by example how to walk forward without certainty, but with faith and hope and love.  The role of mentors is to lift others up, to serve without consideration of recognition or reward. If we can model this kind of service, we will help to birth a new kind of leader by our example."  To me, he is describing an ideal mentor.  In my experience, good leaders do not always make good mentors.  To me leadership is getting things done but through encouraging others and creating teams.  Hjalmarson is clear about the need for dependence on God and a sense of humility as a leader.

When I began a position in a congregation in 1993, I found a mentor.  I asked Charlotte Erlandson to work with me for one year.  She graciously agreed and we met once a month for one year.  We talked about topics and issues that I brought to the table.  I observed her conducting a committee meeting.  It was a most beneficial relationship for me. She did lift me up and received no reward except my appreciation.

I have tried to be a leader who works with and alongside others.  As a parent, I always cleaned along with my kids.  We washed walls together, prepared fruit for canning, and cleaned the house. In the congregation, I wipe down tables, run the dishwasher and work along others.  I like being in front telling stories and running the show but I think I model leadership best when I do the less glamorous stuff like cleaning the church refrigerator.